The Daily Routines

Life is like a jungle, you just do everything to survive and you have to follow the rules in order to avoid conflict. What I see in life, is that, all people are still finding with their resting place. A place that you call your own, wherein you can do what you want without any restrictions. As I continue living, nothing's change, still haunted with your past. That mistake that almost take my life. What I did is just standing firm on what I believe in, because I believe in Jesus Christ as my savior and Lord so I defended my faith but I did not know what's behind all those things that they are saying to me. I just needed to find security, to call my own. I already said all the truth but still not enough and lies but still not enough. I think my existence is being questioned. They just can't get it that I wanted to survive too. I am poor and I don't have connections to any celebrities or politicians. What a wasted life I have... When I was a kid, my only problem is how to get a better grades in school... but now I need to fight for my validity and reliability, that I too was capable. I wanted to say to them, that I too has the right to live... No matter how high I reached , I am still stuck with the reality that I am only a poor kid... I need to strive in order to have food... I too have a dream for myself... They wanted to know about my reality. My reality is boring because I have nothing, I only have myself. In my 32 years of existence, I feel like, I ride in a roller coaster ride, Sometimes I am down and sometimes I'm on up, what I did is that I just refuse to die yet... maybe I needed to change my character, from being secretive to loud, I don't know exactly how to fit in, to be secretive or loud, I am always changing but still not enough, I think I lost all of my goodness and have embraced evil. I became the devil and it is too scary. Maybe in the other part of the world. I have my place too wherein I do not need to change. Wherein I can be myself without being afraid to be judged. Maybe if I expose myself, I have the chance to be happy and be myself without acting. I miss my old self but life is like this, you have to go with the flow, you have to fight. My family doesn't believe me so I have to fake myself. Nobody believed me. I am faking from my family because they don't believe in me, they just say that I am crazy. It is hard to be alone so I get caught. Maybe if I have a friend that can be with me but anyway I can a friend because I am friendly. At first, I am a devoted Christian and I fought for my belief and then it is not right and now that I am a nominal Christian, it is still not right. My religion is everything to me before but they wanted to disprove it. I changed. After I changed, still the same. Haunted.


Thank God I survived...