Thursday, January 19, 2017

Have you Ever?

Have you ever been betrayed by the one you called "friend". Even though you did what they wanted you to do but still you are present in their gossips. You are a friend to them in their time of distress and you even get drunk and became nasty just to be one of them. You never betrayed them not even once and you never talk behind their backs and you deal with them with all honesty but still they find you unworthy of their friendship. Well, maybe I am just stupid of choosing those people, maybe I had a bad idea of joining them. After all the lesson learned of being betrayed by a friend and then you find later that maybe with a stranger you will feel good enough for them and yes indeed you are very good enough to the point that they will take advantage of you being naive and you will get raped. Then later on, after all the lessons learned you just live a life that is aloof to any person and you built a tall wall between anybody and no one should know what is inside you. What a demise! I exclaimed, Then later on you find happiness of you being alone with some mysterious guy but then later on that special world that you had with that mysterious guy had been hacked by a lot of people and your life is not just in danger but you are already facing death. It is a normal response to get angry when your life is being read and being talked about daily even if you did not want to be one of them in their world and what you wanted is just to be happy with that special world with the mysterious guy. You became happy with that mysterious guy and wanting him more but in your surprise your being caught up in a surveillance camera wherein you cannot get angry because you will be called a mad woman. No matter how angry you are, you still cannot hide nor run because they will still find a way to run after you. No matter how mad you are, you still cannot fight them because they are just too many and it is impossible for you to survive. Have you ever faced death alone? In this loneliness, nobody understands you. You just texted and delivered a message hoping that your fear will be heard by a lot of people. You're being mocked, accused, bullied and your existence is about to end. Your death has been proclaimed already and that is death by an accident. In every travel that you have your heart pounds like it is your last breath because you know that is the way of your death and your brain knew that, that is your way of death. You cannot share it to your family because they will not understand and they will just think that I am out of my mind. I have to act like everything is alright and nothing bad is happening so that I will have a smooth communication with my family. I have to act like nothing is wrong in order to avoid panic and disorder in my life but in my body I carried it all. My nose, my neck, my respiratory system is in trouble already but I did not make any noise because nobody will understand because for them I am the criminal. I did not make any noise or whatever in order to avoid trouble to my family. I bear everything to my body, every accusation, every curse, every evil thing that is against me, I bear it all to my body. I wanted to die already but I am afraid to die. Have you thought that death will be your hiding place because being alive will no longer give you happiness. This is the secret that I have. The secret is burden. The burden to keep on living because you are afraid to die. I kept it secret because I do not want my family to be in trouble.
           Have you ever been in this situation? It is quite tiring and exhausting and what you would do is just to keep quite and pretend everyday that everything is alright because if ever that you will react on some matter your family member would say that you are out of your mind. 
REMINDER:  You cannot fight alone but being alone can keep your senses in  a normal condition...


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